took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My vagina just recognized that song.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
