Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
