I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
