Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
