I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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