There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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