Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
