OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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