There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
