at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
