i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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