i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
