My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
