did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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