you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
