how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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