I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
