My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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