Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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