i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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