he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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