my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
