How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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