so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
