A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
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