oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
