I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
