gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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