wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
