i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
