Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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