I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
