My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
