Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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