so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
