Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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