perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
