I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
