Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
