we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
