Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
