If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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