He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
