I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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