I just pynch a tree in the face
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize