We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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