you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Enjoy the penises
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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