found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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