I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
