I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
