my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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