I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
