it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's just like the Real World with babies
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
His nipple licking is glorious
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