I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
