Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
